CROTCH DIVE
Hi.  My name’s Jim/Jane.  You can call me Jimbo/Janebo. I’m the proud inventor of a product called Crotch Dive. Crotch Dive is a cream for your crotch when you can’t stop scratching.  So remember, when irritation hits…hit back with Crotch Dive.

TOOTH POPPER
Achy tooth?  No problem.  Try Tooth Popper.  First, bring the contraption close to your achy tooth.  Second, smile wide.  Third, let the Tooth Popper punch you right in the smacker.  Out pops the correct tooth 50% of the time.

STRIKE NO MORE
You ever find yourself driving in a car when the most fantastically painful diarrhea strikes?  I have. That’s why I use, STRIKE NO MORE.  A bag you tuck under your rear to release all your bodily functions while driving.  No mess, no fuss, no pain.  You don’t even have to take your hands off the wheel.  You just goooooooooooo.

I CAN’T HEAR YOU
If you’re like me, you have a Wife/Husband who doesn’t know when to stop screaming at you.  Introducing, I Can’t Hear You.  You place the phony ear over your real ear and guess what...silence.  All you have to do is nod.  She/He will never notice the difference.

PEE PUDDLER 
Tired of seeing your partner’s pee on the toilet bowl?  I am.  That’s why I use, Pee Puddler.  Pee Puddler is a radar detector that hangs above the toilet so each time your partner drops a little drizzle, the Pee Puddler drops a little drizzle on him/her. Creates a straight shooter instantly!

WHO KNEW?
Today I’m going to talk to you about Who Knew.  Who Knew works when someone asks you a question you don’t know the answer to and answers it for you, disguised as your voice.  Just download the app and it detects when you are feeling stupid, based on your body’s vibration.  It then searches for the answer and pipes up a response on your behalf.  Who Knew?

SOONER THAN LATER
Trying to quit smoking?  Try Sooner Than Later.  One cigarette designed to give you the ultimate near-death experience.  With just one or two inhales, you will instantly slip into a 24 hour coma.  When you wake up, your urge to smoke will be completely gone.  Guaranteed.

NOT TODAY
Hello there, is your coworker occasionally too much to handle??  Try, Not Today.  Not Today works just like Pavlov’s Theory.  All you have to do is spray once into your co-workers face and they won’t bother you for the entire month.  No recollection.  No bother.